Been Missing You...

I have not written anything in oh so long. I've missed the feel of the keys and the relief of expression. I have so much to tell you. Things have been wonderful, things have been terrible, things have be confusing, things have be clear as a bell. In short, its been a life. And befitting of this time of year, I am thankful.

See you people soon!

What is the difference between trust and faith? Are they related? Does one lead to the other? Simply, faith can be defined as "belief that is not based on proof". Trust can be called "confident expectation based on proven results, a hope".
So having faith is a submission to an authority not based on track record or likelihoods, but on the sheer identity of the intity or the role in which they hold. It is an act of will power a decision, an option you exercise in submission.

Trust is usually a sound choice based on probabilities. It is usually because of this I will trust or in some cased despite this (hope), I will trust.

Now having said all of that, does trust lead to faith or faith to trust? With the Lord, I believe faith leads to trust because your decision to believe in His will shall be proven and God develops a reputations with us as faithful to deliver, provide, give, love.
Trust can never come before a measure of faith with God. Even if your faith is based on the moving you experience from merely reading the Word of God. A faith is activated in you and grows. I believe it grows through trusting in Him and stretching your faith in "un-proven" areas where He can prove Himself yet again.

With people however, a faith grows out of trust. I don't know if this is the right way to do it, but it is how I see it done. A baby small measure of faith, given by God, that he will be fed leads it to not worry about such issues. However, it quickly learns that mommy will bring the food if I cry and every time I do it. It has worked over and over and he trusts that it will always work.

These sureties lend to a submission to authority based on reliable past experiences. In other words...You are only as good as your name. Joe the Carpenter, John the Shepard, James the farmer. This is what they do and essentially who they are. Are you Karen the lifer? or Mike the thief? Are you June the trouble maker? Or Sarah the gossip?
You might be able to sing or sew or dance or even preach, but if what you are known by is something other than a fruit of the spirit, then you do not carry the name of God.

What is your name?
~

One Woman's Journey

These Shoes Were Made For Walking

I'm so tired. I've been walking a long time. I saw lots of things along the way, and the view was beautiful as I went. The water, the trees, the birds, the grass. I took my boys and they were inspired and pleased. We made plans to return often. While the miles added up on the way there, it seemed worth it to see what was up ahead and around the bend. The anticipation drove us forward. We were glad to work, glad to push and happy to be where we were. I took snacks and drinks, made provisions and documented every experience and sight. I didn't want to forget a thing. We took care of the trail as we walked. Kicking rocks off the road, picking up liter when we saw it, even practicing trail etiquette.

The walk back however seemed different. I was tired, hot and bothered and at times regretting my trip. The trees and flowers I passed on the way the first time seemed old and taunting this go round. The miles were being added and not subtracted and each step was a journey all in itself. Regret and dread hounded me that I had gone so far. I could not believe that I had pushed myself so far that I would have to struggle so hard to get back to my family. I couldn't believe that I had taken my kids along that way too.

The lesson learned? Don't begin a journey unless you have counted the cost of your return trip. At the end of the day it should be worth it.

I have been saved by grace many times. Not just my soul and spirit man, but in many situations in my life. Even before I knew how to walk and how to live, I have been surviving on grace and leaning on mercy. My appreciation to God is enormous because truly I don't deserve his kindness, yet He extends it everyday, big and small.

Forget the Little Engine That Could

Today my son taught me something. We went roller skating, an activity that I do not participate in. I prefer to spare my tail bone thank you very much. He walked into the rink not knowing how to skate at all but with an expectancy to have a lot of fun on the outing. So we got the skates and on carpet he was having a little difficulty but he could see the rink. On he went and down he went. Over and over he fell even before he got out on the floor. So as a concerned mother I told him to hold on to the wall and go slow. Slip, slip, slide, slide. Down he went, not once, but several hard, quick times. Thank God he is pretty close to the floor, but still it must have hurt to hit hard wood in that way. He got up. He fell. He got up, he fell. Not one time did he even think that he would just give up until he could get some adjustable skates (as was suggested). He just went right back out there falling and slipping and falling. Each time getting up and if I can stretch my imagination setting another goal. On came the hokey pokey. This game is played in the middle of the floor. He was yet again determined to make it to the middle of floor and do the hokey pokey. He struggled, and struggle. One second he was up, the next he was down. My little man finally made it out there (with the first 2 verses over) putting his left elbow out and shaking it all about and hitting the ground. His auntie tried to get him to hold onto the wall behind the line, oh no! He had to go to the line and shake it all about! He made it and he did it falling all the way. Never giving up. He suffered a rug burn from holding on to the carpeted half wall and all the while he was trying to keep his feet under him, he would just keep skating and blow on his arm. Gotta love that kind of spirit. I believe he had a goal in his mind the whole time because after 2 hours of falling an holding walls he left the wall and skated all the way around the rink alone, falling some, but never turning back. We he came back to us, he said "Mama, I did it, I went all the way around!" I'm going to tell you that I was so proud of him. Not because he made it around, that I was just happy about. I was proud because at 6 years old, he set a goal, a far off goal, one that contained repeated pain and failure and went about accomplishing it no matter what. He never asked my opinion. Never whined about how hard it was. He never complained about how long it was taking to reach his goal, he just went about doing it. We could all learn from that sort of determination. What is it that you want in life. How many times are you wiling to fail? How much pain are you wiling to endure? When will you cry out 'uncle'? Will you only venture out on the familiar? Or will you like Nicky, try something new and persevere until you reach it?
With rosy cheeks he left the rink with a feeling of accomplishment. He left nothing to be disappointed about. How freeing that must feel.
So, out with that little engine or that ant and his rubber tree plant, I'm looking at how the Lord gave me an in-house example of how to run a race.

Refusing to fight against my fight. It has been allowed by God for a purpose in my life

Refusing to fight against my fight. It has been allowed by God for a purpose in my life
The last few months have taught me several lessons. 1. Having necessary conversations is the a skill we all should acquire. We invite people into our lives for several reasons, but we have to protect what God has given us. Once you allow folks in, they stay in. Requiring updates, status reports, making judgments, given excuses and reasons. 2. Forgiveness should not be confused with not thinking about something. Just because you don't pull a book down off of the shelf everyday does not mean you aren't moved by its content. Actively forgive, pray, release and pray some more until you can poke at that spot and it has no pain. Then forget it, donate that book to file 13! 3. Pride is the biggest obstacle you can ever have. It blocks blessings, hardens hearts, cost you love and money, embarrasses you anyway.

So, whatever God sends my way or allows to be thrown my way, I'm going to hold on to his promises and look not to my fight but to God and the lesson I'm to receive

Unexpected

You never know when life will throw you a curve ball or surprise you from around a corner. In a life full of deadlines, due dates and goals a surprise now and then is often fun. Welcomed even. However, in those occasional instances when you are sucker punched in the mouth what do you do? Cry? Sometimes! Get angry? Sure! Fall back and take the hit? You shouldn't but for a moment it may be all you can do. I have come to realize that in the middle of my pain if I take a stand, it becomes bearable. If I pray and move forward I heal. If I look, not to my problem, but to God, wisdom is given to me. I learn what to do, how to do it. I breathe, I live, I survive. I am refusing to push against what God has allowed to get something out of me for either myself or for someone else. If you flow with your trial, allowing God to shine through you and stand up in you during it, you will come out on the other side better, stronger, wiser. Happier. Who says what God has for you is easy? Who says that what God said for you to do is gone because of a thorn in your side? Perhaps when you get there, He needs you to be broken in an area, or grown in an area. So, your journey to that place, is not easy, but purposeful. When you get there your ground will be fresh and ready to receive, ready for planting, or perhaps even pruning. Every person examines themselves, as they should (1 Corinthians 11:28). Every person should see not only their own worth but the areas that need to be pruned or broken. It's the growth process. The maturity process.

Just 'Cause You Stack It Up

Folks say a cluttered desk equals a cluttered mind. I can dispel that theory. However, I do know that it is indicative of a cluttered something. In my case it is my job to keep others organized. I do it at work, I do it at church I do it for the kids, I do it for everyone. I have become a walking 'flash drive'. I am the memory of those around me. However, I have a cluttered something. I run from place to place doing what I do and when I have a moment, the person that I am is a mess. My surrounds reflect my controlled chaos. I know where everything is and I manage to come out everyday clean, fed and smelling like a rose. Yet everyday I step over a pile of whatever or I open drawers of whatever, or I stack whatever. In my life, its the same. I do what I have to do everyday. I function like a pro, looking good smelling sweet, contributing, making ways, witnessing. But when there is a moment, God deals with my piles, my drawers. He reveals what I try to hide. He shows me me and I never like it.

I run many races. One of which is to out run God. To get to my mess before he puts me on front street! Silly! Ridiculous! Impossible, right?

check it out...

www.foodatmyhouse.blogspot.com

Twirling

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder who in the world am I. How did I become this person I can sometimes not recognize? Do I really think this way or am I conforming, adapting to my situation? Can I really shoulder all of this or will it bury me? Did I just say that or did it come from behind me?

If I cut my self out like a paper doll, who would I be? If I got all the degrees I wanted, who would I be? I have searched high and low for my path, just to end up in the same mirror with the same reflection.

So, I've run that lap and now I'm asking God to show me. I don't want to be just a reflection, but a clay pot molded by God. Shaped by His hands and used for His good. I need to know the path to walk and the words to say and only He can tell me. I'm happy to be lost. I'm happy not knowing because then He can find me. He can show me. There is a greatness in my feebleness an opportunity for God to rub his super on my natural.

Gotta love God!

The Last Really SHOULD Be The First!

What amazes me is how you can spend 5 hours helping your children with their homework. I use help very loosely because it resembles pulling teeth. You fuss, you threaten, you punish, you preach and at some points you plead for them to just get it over with so the rest of the house can get to sleep. They swear they don't understand a thing they are supposed to do. They take 20 bathroom breaks, have crying spells and in between the pleading to go to sleep and promises to finish in the morning, the time ticks away. This type of thing can go on for hours. Here is the amazing part. The last 30 minutes they not only understand everything, but work like little angels. Why can't they just do this in the first place? Why can't the last 30 minutes but the first 20 minutes? Why do they fight us tooth and nail just to give in and finally do it our way?

God says that this is just the way we treat Him. We want to do it our way and we even go about doing it our way, just to be confused and frustrated and on the verge of giving up. We kick and we scream. We fuss and we fight. We plan and we plot. Just to end up back in His will. His will will be carried out, His plans will come to pass. Alas, we come around, and here is the amazing part, we look at ourselves and say I know God is saying well done my good and faithful servant! HA! More like, I love my hard-headed child anyway...

I thank God that He is merciful because over and over again we I need it. Life gets in the way when His way should be my life. Pressing toward the mark is not easy, but in the end I'm confident I'll be more successful then not, because I love Him above all else.

Are We Clicking Away Our Humanity?

Sometimes I read these online stories about serious issues, issues that mean something to someone, to their loves, to their life. Sickness, tragedy, suffering, greed and need. Right at the bottom after the last word, you see "next story". Its a sad thing when we click this. A detrimental moment was just realized. Perhaps a shot to the Body or just a shot to humanity. We don't seem to have an 'affect' button anymore and it saddens me. It saddens me that some one's loss of life is 'just another story' Someone not having their freedom and being able to kiss their kids for several years is 'just another story'. Some one's world just got turned upside down and before we can picture the face of it, we have gone on to the 'next story'. While we don't have to take on the pain of everyone we meet, it should never be as simple as 'next story'. These words cut to the core in someones life, they have more meaning than ink and paper.

My sons stop and pray after seeing every ambulance or fire truck. They ask God to please help whoever is in need of it and to help their families deal with whatever is going on. If we could all take a page from their book and pause, if only for a moment, and extend our love and compassion to another and not use their lives as water cooler fodder or entertainment.

I hope that the period after the last word in what I write will not only stop my story, but stop the person; to pray, learn, ponder, think, change the world.

Yippee!

I must say, my day turned out really great! I didn't get out :( but, I got to finally start my other blog ( www.foodatmyhouse.blogspot.com )and I cooked and ate and talked to friends and read. Life is all in what you make it. I implore you to DECIDE how you want to be, how you want to live how you want your story to go.

____________________________

It's snowing AGAIN where I live and I am again home alone missing my boys. Its funny how some things underline situations in your life, like a special word in a sentence. I've always loved being alone, or so I thought. But I think I was always been occupied with some thing or another. **note to self: when people are out getting bread and milk, make a trip to the bookstore!** While others are out playing snow ball fights with their kids, or snuggled up with love ones, or doing homework, i'm hunched around a cold hard laptop gently stroking keys that are too close together for my fat fingers! **sigh** **note to self: get a larger laptop, regardless of the trend**

What happens when you mix bored, alone, stuck in the house? You get lots of naps, lots of snacking, lots of planning. So far I've planned 3 trips, 2 websites and a couple of events!

Will you look at the time...I feel a nap coming on!

Freeze You're It

Have you ever been afraid to move? I'm afraid that if I'm wrong, I would have missed out on something great. I'm afraid that if I'm wrong I will have to run this lap again. As I'm writing this, I guess I don't trust that there will be a ram in the bush. So, still I stand, putting out little fires until my toes are so badly burned I wont have a choice. Or here I stand enduring the little fires that purify, resulting in pure gold.

I doubt my convictions, I second guess my thoughts. Its a tough place to be in.

Breathe into Me O'Lord

I'm in a place where I don't want to be. Why am I afraid of moving out of it? I have come to the realization that I don't know the voice of God unless He screams. My "unction" is turned off. Like a friend that you remember but have had no real contact with in years, you forget how they actually look or how they actually sound or how they actually are. Oh sure, you'll remember them if you saw them, but you couldn't describe them accurately. You know how they used to be before life and experiences changed them as they do to us all. But knowing them for who they are today, you wouldn't be entirely correct, couldn't be. Fortunately with God, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. However, you can become unfamiliar with His voice if you don't see him often. Have I done that? It seems so because I'm confused. The only fix is to spend time with Him, more reading, more praying, more focusing on Him.

I need to be able to pick Him out in a crowd, amongst the noise in my head, amid the sea of problems I have to face. In the middle of my storm. I have to know His voice, to understand His ways. I don't know how I got here but I'm not staying. Confusion is from the devil and he has got to go.

So I'm asking Him to speak to me, teach me. Breathe new life into me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXiK1-84RHs&feature=related

Some Seeds Need to Die

My son likes to walk along the edge of the sidewalk, the curb. The entire sidewalk is available to him, but he teeters along the edge playing with the possibility of falling off and into the street. "Walk in the middle where it is safe" I say everyday. "Cars are coming move over so you wont get hit" I repeat over and over again. "If you fall you might hurt yourself" I warn. But every day, he goes right back to the edge, obviously saying to himself 'I'm sure I wont get hurt, I'm careful' or 'She worries too much'! Sometimes he does trip and fall into the street. Sometimes he almost does and I swear, that is when he has the most fun. My boy is not just a boy. He is a little man and I see seeds of 'man-retardation' in him everyday. (I'm laying prostrate and praying for him right now!) There can be a whole side walk of safe for a man, good home, cooked meals, the right amount of romance, fun, laughter, excitement all with a beauty beyond measure and this, now this full-fledged retardation plant, has gone out and walked on the edge. Cheating, lying, gambling, whatever the curb is. Oh, he knows the risks but its all a game to him. The mere thrill of rotating your arms to keep from falling out into the street is just what the doctor ordered for the retardation plant. He tight-ropes the curb again and again with no real remorse. Oh sure he says to himself "one day, I'll stay in the middle, one day real soon, but first..." or "I'm sure having a bad sidewalk day, think I'll see whats up with the curb over here"

It baffles me how seemingly good men can do this. How can you risk everything to walk on a curb? How can you hurt the ones you love just to rotate your arms in an 'almost fall'? I'll never get the understanding of the retarded plant.

There is a sermon in there somewhere.

Who the Heck is Murphy?!

Well some days start out good, continue in that light, have the feel of ending that way, but low and behold, Murphy and his stupid laws walk through the door. Why can't a day be completely peaceful, completely wonderful, completely right? Do problems HAVE to come before I close my eyes. Should I go to bed hours early in an attempt to beat Murphy to my door?

All I'm saying is "hello day, end right!" "for once, end the way you started"!

A servant is one that provides a service, aids, helps, assists. A servant humbles themselves to God and looks at the needs of others before their own. A servant leads by setting examples which provides a service to the followers.

A servant serves even when she doesn't want to. She gives when its not convenient. She goes where she's not welcomed and when sleep has been a distant memory. She loves when they don't deserve it. She feeds when even she is hungry. All for God.

The life of a servant seems like a tired one, one that is thankless. I will tell you though, that to be in service for the Lord is a Joy, a fulfillment that is complete in itself.

Being a member of the Body of Christ and working in your area is a "filled cup". If you are a finger in the body of Christ all your hearts desires are to point and touch. You want to do what you are meant to do. You are at you happiest when you get to point and touch. If you are a hair on the head, your greatest desires are to blow in the wind and maybe keep a neck warm. So if God created us and we are a part of the body, fulfilling our function is a marvelous thing. Its a service that is gladly done. I encourage any one looking for where they fit in in the body to just get in where you fit in. God will miraculously move you and shift you into the spot where you belong (Romans 8:28) Serve where you are with joy in your heart.

Chronic Romantic

Never regret who you are if God made you that way. If you are inquisitive; then question and don't wonder why things puzzle you. Your discoveries make the world go 'round. If you are a problem solver; then solve problems and don't wonder why they come your way. If you are a prayer warrior then pray and don't wonder why your heart bleeds for everyone. If you are a singer then sing and don't wonder why everything has a melody, a rhythm. If you are a romantic, then love with your whole heart and don't wonder why you do it time and time again. If you are called to lay hands on the sick, do it, and don't wonder why you see so much calamity. If you are social, then entertain and don't wonder why you are never alone. Fix pasta and keep it moving.

Hello, my name is VT and I am a chronic romantic.
I love.
It is what I do.
I pour out my insides regardless. Regardless of what you ask? Regardless of EVERYTHING! My love covers all areas. I don't fall in love, I completely drop! I drop as if there is no bottom. For my children, my family, my church, my guys, my God. My love for them is like a step off the deep end. Only one of these loves me back the way I want. **sigh** but alas, it does not stop me. I refuse to be someone who changes because of past hurts. I refuse to not give everything I've got for a chance to get everything I want. I've been promised it. I have hope in it, for my children, for my family, for me personally.

Oh, yes, I'm as sick as the next person of the disappointments of this world. They seem so unfair and so avoidable. I try to learn what I'm supposed to in every situation but Lord sometimes things seem so unfair. It's almost as if I have asked for these things. I constantly examine myself to see how I could have avoided it, how I could have stopped it, but sometimes, there is no answer. Sometimes an unrequited love is what life deals you. Learn the lesson and never be regretful of giving your best. Just be sure you gave your best. When it is time to either reap the benefits or walk away, you will do so without one once of remorse.

I love.
It's what I do, and I like that about me.

Oh Freedom

Can you imagine being in a dark room with your eyes closed trying to get out of the door? So, you feel around. Touching things, trying to identify them, maybe even tripping over things. Stubbing a toe, making a wrong turn, running into a wall. But there is a breeze on your legs, so you know you are close, a crispness to the air. You make your way trying to judge left or right, close or far to your 'freedom'.

I feel as if freedom is right around the corner. There will be a point in my life very soon when all of my prayers will be answered, all of my longings will come to fruition. Where I can not only touch the door but open it and make my way out. Right now I'm walking blind, having set back after set back, but I know the terrain and a few strategic foundlings and a cunning moves will lead me to the door I've been waiting for.

Desensitized

There is a paradigm that if a man hits a woman once, he'll do it again. The 'horror of it all' wears off as soon as he pulls his hand away from the contact. My question is; does this same sort of thing apply to other areas? If a man cheats on you, is he more likely to do it again? If a man disrespects you once, will he be more likely to do it again? Will he go from sneaking around to blatant offenses, from mumbling under his breath to cussing you out? If a man gets away with pushing the boundaries of 'relationship' will be continue to do so. From drinks with coworkers to over night trips to late night phone calls, to not being available when he's with them. Is it just that the novelty has worn off of these taboo things or has it become sport to see how far you can go without missing (getting caught, having her leave, being in trouble)? Even being in trouble, like with children, loses its power if the 'trouble' is empty and respect has left the building. As women we seem to have in us the whole 'turn the other cheek' mentality as an innate trait, a DNA code, a relationship retardation. Where is the line drawn in the sand that separates foolish from forgiveness? I have no answers. Only more questions. The only truth I know is that we, as women have to stop being concerned with what we may be losing and think about what we are gaining. Self respect. Self esteem. Space for the right thing. Peace. Hope. Self Love.

There is always a ram in the bush!

Your beliefs Should Mirror Your Convictions & Result In A Walk

It's time to take a stand for what you believe in. Not just feel something with conviction, but believe it so much that you base the very direction of your feet on it. Your steps are taken because of what you know, not what you see. Take a look at your heart and think about what you truly believe in. Your job; do you believe that you are to work as unto the Lord? Then be on time, do your job, stop the back biting. Your 'other' do you really love them with the love the Lord or do you conditionally like or lust after them? Is this a long haul relationship or a seasonal one? Then build them up, encourage them. Trust them, and speak life into them. Your children; are they a gift from God that you have been give charge over? Speak life over them, encourage them, respect them, teach them, make them a priority. Your home; are you going to serve the Lord there and be transparent to God after the doors are locked? Allow only peace into the doors. Stand for what is right. Your family; will you love them no matter what? You didn't get to choose them, but love them where they are, not where are.

Just evaluate your beliefs. These things may not be on your list but everyone has a list. The world says that if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. God says that So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold, He will spit you from His mouth. Be definitive today. Walk where convictions are. Speak from your heart, truly believe in something.