Spinning Top

I have been on a search for who I am and what I am to do in this world. Praying and praying, searching and searching. I've found no answer yet. I am a contributor by nature, an 'in the mix' kind of gal. I'd rather be apart of 'it' than complain about it. I help, I work. I seem to be a jack of all trades and being a master of none. I know words are a branch of me and food is a branch of me, but what is the tree? What does it benefit the world? Now, having a very high self esteem is tiresome to a degree. There are occasions where I have to fight what feels like a fist fight to stay convinced of my greatness, my cuteness, my ability. I'm yanking down thoughts, words, situations and the like just to be able to hold my head up, to not let grief consume me. Face it folks a life without God is downright depressing. How do they survive??!! How are they out there all Willy-nilly?
Still my search continues and in the meantime I 'occupy' I put in where needed, I sweep, I pick up, I type, I fetch, I find. I pluck, I wax, I bathe, I brush. I teach, I cook, I love, I encourage, I explain. I fix, I make, I watch, I listen, I answer, I forgive, I remember for everyone and everything around me. Its tiresome being me, being saved, being Mommy, girlfriend, daughter, co-worker, being me, being quiet.
The centrifugal force of my motions keeps it all in the air, the moment I slow down, stop, or breathe, it all comes crashing down. So, getting tired is not really an option, I have to rely on the strength of God to keep my spinning, keep me focused, keep me sane. With it all written and confessed, I can only say thank you! Thank you for being MY God.

Something Like the Bubble Guts

My entire insides seem to have turned into a moving mass. I can not begin to feel settled with them churning and worrying me in this manner. When you feel this way you can do nothing except seek the Lord. Study harder, more, longer. Search inside for that still, small voice to answer your questions. Pray for clarity and truth and wisdom.
Lord I know you lead and guide me into all truths. Please settle my spirit and give me the wisdom to know your way, your voice. Give me plain and clear instructions. Pick me up and turn me around if you have to, point me in the right direction. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.