Chapstick and Winter Hats = Bane

I don't even know where to begin because, on the surface it seems absurd. However, my frustration is so genuine that I can't deny its huge importance in my complex mind (wink, wink). Have you ever misplaced the remote for days only to watch the re-runs of MASH for 4 hours before you get in your car and run to the nearest Walmart to buy another? How many times have you done this? How many will you do it? How many remotes are you wiling to buy before your hair begins to fall out and you strangle the person who keeps putting it in weird places like the window sill or behind a potted plant or in the sock drawer or under the grapes in the fridge??!! Perhaps you aren't the remote-crutch type. Maybe its the mail box key for you that provokes the post office to believe you are dead because your mail has not been picked up in two and a half weeks. Maybe for you it is the lunch that you leave on the counter every day instead of taking it to work.
Well, for me, it is my son and chapstick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you sense my frustration. He will have a tube on Monday only to nonchalantly tell me on Wednesday that someone broke into the house while we were at basketball practice and stole it out of his room in the designated area!!AARRRGGGHHH!!! Can you believe this "frack-a-nackle bull"???!! When he said this I really wanted to kick the legs out from under his chair and just walk away! Why you may be asking does this bother me so? Those of you with bottomless pockets may not understand but I must spend $8 a month on Chapstick which is $96 a year on top of how much I spend on winter hats!
Winter hats (let me breathe first)...OK, this little boy will leave the house with a very nice, warm hat. Will he come home with it? Oh no! Like being in the middle of winter in a snow storm or the pouring rain doesn't remind him that hey, my head is cold!! Unbelievable! Hat 1 gone, week 1 down. Week 2 I say little boy please put your hat in either your back pack or your sleeve. Well, week 2 down, hat 2 gone!! Well you just wont have a hat, but the ice pelting him on the head makes me sad for him and off I go to buy a few more hats!! GONE! GONE! GONE!!! At some point I can't tell if its his hat and chapstick handicap that is driving me crazy or the fact that he doesn't seem to care, that bugs me to no end! Either way, the stupid hats and the dumb chapsticks are the bane of my existence. Next time I'll tell you about Nicky's shoes that make me want to hurl them across a room with a tribal guttural yell!!
I need a nap.